The Shelter was keeping me busy at least three days a week. one doing day shifts which was cleaning, getting food prepped for the night shift, making calls to get permission for the kids to stay there. after 72 hours you had to have a legal guardian give permission for them to stay there over night. i was always surprised when parents would just say "yeah" and hang up--not even asking how the kidwas...ok, healthy, alive...some parents would get pissed and say NO, send them home! it was such an across the board responces that usually let me know why the kid had ran away. i did two over nights a week along with another staff person and a 9--12 to give support to the over night people. it did not really take long for me to get way into the job. to work there you had to. some nights would be nuts with 30 kids and a few rappers and a skin head or two, husslers and kids tripping...it was a great effort to keep things calm with out being a 'big brother'and bitchy. some nights only a few kids would be there. that's when you got to really know the kids one on one. the could drop the street mask and be real not worring about the tough skin to protect them from the street.
a punk couple had been there for a couple of nights. they clung to each other from the time they got htere to the time they went to their separate bed areas. they had ran away from smaller town in Organ. i had done the intake for the guy...and checked in with him as we did with each kid every night in the office one to one. at nine the door bell started ringing with the kids ready to come in and eat....rest and just relax. i was cooking in the little kitchen and was saying hello and talking to them as they started pilling in. i was the punk girl come in and she looked less than happy. then the boy came in..."HI" he said to me. in a mood different than his usual stoic attatude. "HI" i said "how are you?"..he tood there with a big smile and said, " I sucked my first dick today...i loved it!". me and the other councilor just locked eyes. " i looked over at the guy and said "oh, did you ?" "yeah...im gonna suck a few more tomorrow". ok...i thought i had to deal with this at once. the poor girl friend was setting on the couch with big tears rolling down her face.
"why don't you and i go talk." i told him. and we went into the council room.
"what's up? and why are you making J---- cry?"
"i met thi guy today, and he took me out to eat and he gave me a little money and we had sex and i loved it"
"well, do you feel that givves you the right to hurt someone who loves you?"
"I don't want to hurt her but i feel like i am gay and i want to live that way".
"you may be able to do that and not hurt your long time girl friend both. just think of how happy you would be if she was not so hurt. I want you to be what you are but hurting another person is only going to hold you back....much less having sex for money. go slow with this and think for a second how to move forward. "
he was a good kid. just got away from a little town and wanted to be himself...if that was gay or whatever. i just wanted him to be safe and not mean to his poor hut girlfriend. we kept talking each night and he made peace with the x girl friend and they seem to settle into a sort of best friend thing. years later i ran into this guy in a bar and he thanked me for helping him come out..i ran into lots of the formor kids during my years after working at the helter and they all were thankful for what the shelter had done for them. of course some of the kid hated me...skin heads who came in and were trying to be bullies to gay or Mexican or black kids...i had to remember they were runaways too and had problems that needed attention. but i had to make it clear this was a place for everybody and no one was was going to feel otherwise....even if it meant kicking them out to prove that. i had a few mean big kid tell me they were going to kick my ass if they ever saw me out of the shelter....which scared me to death. Lucky, though, it never happened.
SDH
once when the Dicks were playing, i think in Houston, we played in the back of wha once had been a Revolutionary Communist Party bookstore. I have no idea how that happened. the guy who put on the show told me i could have a book...which was stored ther but he gave me a copy of a cartoon book. about a woman who was a fighter in the war of resistance against Japan that the Chinee had fought. she was super brave and loved Chairman Mao. Her name was Sister Double Happiness....i guess like a nun...yoou know...sister mary lovejesus?? so after my many other ideas had been shot down for naming our band i remembered the book and said why not use that as the name--Sister Double Happiness?? we all liked it, although long we could use SDH. that was the name and i heard my old pal Mikey from Austin and the bass player of the great Offenders had moved to SF. i was thinking how great of a bass player he was and how we needed one and....
i found Mikey and asked him to please come at least practice with us. he was happy and wanted to play something different than hardcore for a while. well, he played a couple of the songs and wow...we had our band at lat...SDH was hppening. we had written most of our first album's songs by our first show. SDH, the song, was our first tune when we did that first show at the Chatterbox in Valencia. what a club? small but it had the feeling of a real gritty rock and roll place. the sound we looked for was fitting the club at the moment. honest and nasty blues-punk songs we loved to play. a song Freight Train was about the ever increasing nightmare killer AIDS. it was cool because two writers for gay news papers were at the show. Don Baird and Adam Block. they both wrote great reviews of the show for their different news paper. Poodle Dog was our last song and it had started. SDH. i couldn't have been happier.
but i was still feeling a bit of a longing for a spiritual path. I felt something coming, though.
things were good.

The Dicks were over now. I was happy to be out of a band for a while. Lynn and i were already talking about a new band with no 'kind of music'...or rather 'any kind of music' but for a while we wanted to just do nothing with band. however, the sweetness of having a house to live in came with the problen of paying rent. Phillip, rightfully had got a little sick of supporting my ass.
I head from Hilary that a night time runaway shelter was looking for taff members. Diamond Youth Shelter--a collective of diverse people dedicated to providing a safe place to sleep. A warm meal. as few rules s possible. and no judging due to color, sexuality, all the stuff a runaway shelter should be. Hilay worked at a sister shelter --Larkin Street Drop in center. Lots of x-hippies and punks and odd balls worked there....queers and sdykes and ananchist and people who wanted to help kids not fuck with them. I had never even thought of tht kind of work. a councilor..? Everyone told me to go for it. Not having a job and one being put in front of my face just made sence to at least apply. I knew a few of the people whi worked there. One of Hlary's best friend's Stacey. I met her a few times through Hil. She was a great woman. pretty much raised herself on the streets of Ney York City...Tom Alder, who had help start the anarchist book collective --bound Together. One of the guys from Crucifix worked there, too..but was leaving. the rest of the 20 or so staff members held hiring meetings to interview the job applicant. i was a bit nervous as i strolled into the old church building on Central Street....acros the paanhandle from the Haight. I lived just down the street so that was a plus right off. it was a rather odd group of collective menbers. Stacey and Tom were friendly and introduced me to the staff. A tall woman named Stephanie was the one doing mot of the talking at first. he was a beautiful person. pertty face and long hair in a braid. she poke with a kin voice telling me about th helter and what it ment to work there. I, had stuk with my long super bleached totally dead hair, no facial hair, pretty fat, tan pants and a big hite and blue hirt. meaning i had dresed up! everyone started asking questions. what if..type questions. having been in a touring punk rock band for years i had a pretty good way of dealing with all kinds of people.....all kinds of people on all kinds of drugs and all kinds of problems. the last question was 'will you to commit to working here at least a year?" of cours i said yes...not even thinking i would really work a second past when i wanted to leave. Later i saw what an important obligation that was. so they told me they would call me the next day to let me know if i got the job or not.
i left and thought about what it would be like working there. It was financed by Catholic Chairities, but the collective had a representative to go between the shelter and the CC.runaway kids. i had had some big fights with my parents in my years at home, but reunning aay had never been something i took to heart. there was a real feeling of all the people who had interviewed me as being really good people. the place, being an old church, was funky as could be. where had been the auditorium was now the sleeping quaters for the kids. half for the girls and half for the boys. the offices and eating area were now the hang out place and eating tables. and a mall kitchen. funky.
it was with in a few hours i got the call asking if i wanted the job--if i did they wanted to ask me to join the collective. my first thought was "oh, fuck...a job". then i was Ye and was told to come the next night around 8. i would be doing a 9--12 shift. two over night people and one 9--1 were the working set up for the staff. you never really knew how many kids might show up. My friend Stacey, who was one of the people being replaced since she was going back to her home in NYC was on duty that night...this was a good thing. She had been a street kid herself in NY and had been a real success story. she ran away but got her life in order and found safe places to stay...even group homes and places where she could get her education and not be a victim but an example. of course, everyone ain't stacey but it tought her how to work with other kids in situations close to her own. i got there right at 8 and the two folks were already getting food ready for the night. a huge salad, bread, tons of salad dressing, cooking and tea and a giant home made spaghetti. it looked great. i saw every type of kid that night. the seasoned 17 y/o who scamed and sold drugs to get by...just using the shelter to sleep....more that a few boys and gils who hung out on Polk St selling their bodies to men and using the money for dugs or a hotel room for the night that all the kids pilled up n in. clean scared looking 15 y/o girl who had been abused by her dad....on and on....after the kids ate taff member pulled a kid aside one on one to check in and find out what had gone on that day....it was a real trip. usually a clitent made a connection with one of the staff members and thats who they would talk to although everybody did every thing. one boy about 16 or so picked me out as an easy target to fuck with. he pulled out a knife and tarted playing with it and looking at me."i don't think you're supposed to have that", i told him, but a little uptight i showed a bit of fear of him..."yeah, who'll take it away?" he said to me in a real smart ass voice. From behind him Stacey reached over and said," i'm going to take it away...you know damn well no weapons and stop trying to scare gary...he's a punk rock singer" and walked off. he looked at me and i stared at him and started to laugh..."what and ass hole thing to do on my first night...you gonna cut off my fucking head next?" lucky, he laughed too...."a punk rock singer..." he asked. that sort of saved me and we hit it off the rest of the night....he was a sort of leader of a group of the hussler kids...girls and boys. a real sweet, but hard street wise boy. he was cute so he made more money and was famous for making enough to rent a room and let everyone stay there and part all night. he had been kicked out of his house by parents who had so many of their own problems his leaving hardly touched them at all. i ended up working at the helter for three years. i learned more on this job than i ever learned in school or on the road or anywhere. thi boy died a year or so later of aids. lots of the kids i met and worked with and got close to died of aids and durg overdoses or just never came back.
during this time Lynn and i were looking for another guitar and bass to form another band. She called me one night and said the famous and well known Ginger Coyote -- the local singer and fanzine owner...singer of White Trash Debutnts had called her to say she knew a great guitaist for our band. Ben Cohen. He played with Polkaside and with Ginger in different projects now and then. Lynn had called him and shure enough he was interreted in getting to gether and seeing how it might work out. It did work out. iwe met up at old capp Street Studios and played for hours. No bass yet but we loved his playing and he seemed to be having fun, although sometimes that was a bit hard to figure out. we set another get together up and made a commitment to try and find a bass player to come jam (although i hae that word) with us.
i wanted to get his going. Ben had a stule of playing that somehow had rock and a sort of ragged blues combined. i loved it and wanted band . I thought Brown Beach was a great name. they both gave me real non approving looks. whatever.

Soon i was back in SF and living in my own room on Divisadero st. when we firt got back in town i slept on an extra bed in phillip's room. before to long, though a guy living in a tiny room in the back of the house decided he was moving out so Phillip moved into that room. i shut the doors to my very ownroom and cried at the fact.....I was home! i had not had my own space since living in California. only due to Phillip's unbelievable kindness had i lived anywhere at all. my room was right in the middle of the house. A stripper who i did not know well named Shela had the front with all the wwindows facing the street.
lynn and Helen shared a bed room and phillip was in the tiny room in the back.
i was so happy. i knew Helen really did not wnt me there, but everyone else did so i was IN. Helen liked me but she thought of herself as the boss and i must have poised a threat. the house parties were almost non stop. it was a blast.
It was no surprise that soon as we returned to SF Tim told us he was leaving the band. i was happy really. he was completely separate from the rest of us. i know at first i had freaked him out by having a man crush on him but this had long pased and absolutely anything i said was taken as a jab at him. he was a good guy but time was up for him in the band and he left. we had a couple of shows coming up and the big one was with the Dead Kennedy's in LA...with Fishbone at the olimpic auditorium. Sebastian knew a good guitarist named Granny...a friendly and out going likable fellow. African=American rock and roller with dread lovks....handsome and a girl magnet. He and sebastian were difinatly into the rock and roll life style. we did a few hows in SF. one being at the Farm Tim as hardly missed and Granny was really good on stage. I remember Tim telling me or somebody later, it was like watching somebody fuck your girlfriend on stage in front of your very own eyes. whatever. When the how in LA came up we decided to fly down there. ho we got the money i'll never know. i remember at the airport a huge fight between Debbie and Sebastian happened just before e boarded the plane....i have no idea hat but it was just the last straw to kill off what might have been left. at the show it wa fun to play suck a big place. Fishbone are and were then an amazing band. the lat time was played at the olimpic i got my as kicked by some of the Discord fans....this time i was much more confident and we were much more popular. Hilary had surprisedme and flown down to ee us and be there t the last show. Debbie liekd Her but kept an eye on me to make sure there was no romance re blooming! the show ended and the Dicks were over. t least for almost 20 years.
a huge part of my life had hit me and floated away. what a great bsnd to have been part of. but now neww stuff waited fo me and i was running to meet it.

we had another tour coming up and i went to look for a good book to read while driving the long spaces between shows/ this time we were going to the east coast and most points between. part of the tour as going to be with DOA...like 6 or 7 shows. i had known these guys for a while now. they were for the most part just like good old boys like the Texas guys i had grown up with...only they played punk rock. they ere always very nice to me...although i always felt if i had not been so openly gay they would have liked me better. the drummer, Dim Wit, was an especially tough acting guy. funny though one day while i was at the big famous DOA house in Vancouver he sort of sneaked out to the van where i spent most of my time...and gave me a tee shirt he had printed with his own ace on it....i was touched at his gift because i got the message he did n't just give them to anybody....25 years later i still have that shirt. Sad to say he died later on.
so once again we were heeded out. I went to a pretty famous, huge, unorganized, dusty book store shoping for my tour book in the rough part of town ...the Tenderloin,. A big, filthy adult book store with booths and glory holes was near by so i made a pit stop in there. a real cute very normal guy was watching a porn movie with his door open....which was the big signal to come on in and join him. I did just that...closing the door and locking it behind me. we sktood there for a few seconds when he asked me, "you want to come over to my place? i live near here."
"sure," i said, "do you live alone?"
"yeah---you ever like to ....dress up?"
hummm. i could see this might be leading in a direction i wanted to avoid, but i had to know more.
"dress up? how dressed up are you talking about?"
"you know...dress up like a baby"
"A baby?"
now i knew a cult of grown ups that liked to get off dressed like babys existed because of a porno magazine that me and toby used to keep on our coffee table called Infantile Anilisis. a joke of course. now i knew i was not going anywhere with thi guy but i wanted to get ass mch infor out of him as i could.
"what would we do?" i asked...trying to look all interested.
"well, dress up in baby stuff...i have things that will fit you...diapers and baby bonnets, and we could mess ourselves and then ..." i had the door open and stepped outside..."sorry, dude, but im not into that" i said
he snapped back, as if to tell me off, "there are lot of adult babies in the bay area". then he slammed the door in my face.
i decided to drop any idea of having sex that day and just go to the real book store to get that touring book to read..
i usually got commie books but for some reason i wanted a book to feed the spiritual thing going on in me. I found a great little book The Teachings of the Buddha. i still have this book. all over th country i read it. i found much comfort in this book. Having been a good little Maoist it felt odd to be embracing the ideas of the Buddha. i laughed when anybody gave me shit about it. we played everywhere on that tour. Even staying a few days with our old friend Christy in NYC. One of her room mates at the time had been a boyfriend for a while with a new popular woman in the music world...Madonna! he tod us all about her and how ambitious she was. soon we moved on to Boston where two of my very best friends from austin lived now. one of the Torn panties, Do and one of the really great brother friends Raymond...which is where we would be staying. In NYC Lynn and i walked around everyday. one day on the way to the village we ran into Marine Stapelton...we asked her for directions...when i relized who shoe was i stupidly asked, "were you in the movie Reds?". she looked like a was the dumbass i felt like but she politly sid yes and walked off.
later waalking by the Dakota we saw Yoko Ono and a young Sean walkinging tinto the building....surrounded by big body guards....i wnted to say hello, but thought twice and just squled inside. i was always a huge Yoko fan. so lynn and i just laughed all the way back to the apartment. Tim and i usually had little to say to each other and were growing sick of being aroundeach other every day. i was really starting to look forward to getting bacck to SF. It was wonderful to play in Boston and hang out with Raymond and Deloris (Do).
soon we started the drive back to SF. but not frit before driving through Tesas. Even playing in Austin. we stayed with Biscuit....Randy Turner my old buddies came to the show and even watched and helped us hold Lynn's drums so they would not move across the floor. i found out later they wanted to come and kik my ass, but became friendly when i was really happy to ee them and we all went back stage and drank. i think back on this and am amazed ho kice they all were.to me and the ret of the band.
after the austin show we tared the long drive to San Francisco. things were about to cahnge. i ws happy to know thi but unsure how it would go down. all i could thinkthough, was bring it on!

These People came out and we stated thinking of another tour for The Dicks. a US tour to promote the album. and keep our name out there. Tim and i were getting along worse than ever. My little infatuation was now over. It was hard to deal with each other and Sebastian and Lynn had become somewhat involved and that was another intertwined set of problems. Tim now distanced himself from me and i resented that. the soap opera was a real pain in the ass and i wwonder how Debbie stood it. so when everyone is getting along badly what do you do? jump in the van for a month long tour. Debbie was starting to get a reputation around SF as a tough and good manager. She booked the tour herself and pretty soon we headed out. now this is he way all this works. i have been on many many tours. Long ones and mini tours. up and down the west coast. then up and down the east coast. from the dicks to black Kali Ma and Sister Double Happiness. all over the USA and all over most of Europe. to tell the truth i get them all mixed up. this happened here or was it there....which band did what and on and on. i never kept diaries and still really don;t regret it. I do know the Dicks from California toued the US a couple of times. long month or 6 weeks or one even two months. and up the west coast a lot. from san diego to Vancouver. we got an old van from a friend of ous pretty cheap. a big yellow sign on the side said The Tile Man with ome information and numbers to call. I never knew why but we left it there. so it became known around town as the Tile Man Van. we drove that old beat up thing all over hell and back. every once in a while it would brake down but wekept glueing it back together and kept on going. Everyone really tried to get along on these tours knowing we were going to be stuck together for months so try not to fight.
a few high lights of the Dicks--
once we were on a tour up the wwet coast. Playing Portland and Eugene, then up to Seattle. I think with TSOL. Funny how they were all punk looking and acting. they watched in amazment as Lynn used her curling iron to fix her hair back stage. you could just see them thinking how uncool we were. they were all business and leather jackets....we were queers, and curling irons. Sebastian was embarrassed at the Dicks being so unconcerned with being cool .the next night was Vancouver. we had never played in Canada and canada is one of the toughest boarders there is. We had no papers or anything to be ready for this little trip to our northern neighbors. We had played a lot with DOA, one of Canada's very best punk rock bands. So we knew from them that the Boardwr qwith Canada and the US was a tough one. Most of this could be avoided by knowing how to do it right. Having a list of all your equiopment and the worth of it, your merchindise, the peolple in the van and ID's. also you did not go the regular get in line and tourist way...you went the truck rought and pulled in and took your papers in to the office. even then it might not not go so smooth but usually that was the way to do it.Of course we did not do it like that at all. we got right in line with the rest of the tourist. well, no surprise we got the meanist woman in the world. she told us to pull over and for Debbie to come in the office. we all waited in the van nervous to see what was going on. soon she came back and told us we could not take undeclared equipment and tee shirts into Canada so we had to turn around and go back into the stats to the little town right there and put all the things into storage then come back into Canada. We were all freaked out. After some phone calls DOA's manager told us we could use their amps and just not sell shirts but to hurry up and come on so we wouldn't be late. it was atarting to get dark and we turned the old Tile Man van around and headed back to the good old usa.....now in the short time it took to turn around Sebastian told us, "i am not in the US legal and have a fake ID...it belongs to Carl" Sebastian and Carl, a SF punk, look like each other like i look like Cher. no one could really even say anything....we were pulling up to the guard who had, i'm sure, been told we were coming. a big strapping hot man waiting for the Tile Man. "good vening folks...Where you coming from tonight". he asked just as friendly as if he was family.
Tim was driving, with Debbie in the front seat, Lynn, Sebastian and i were clumped around The driver's seat in the back.....this wan't a van with back seats..it was a set on the florr type thing.
Tim sort of half tried to tell him the story..."well, we are a band and we are headed back to the US to...."
"everybody give me your ID's," he barked
we all had them ready and handed then to tim who politly gave them to our friend with the gun. one by one he looked at them.
"Mr. Floyd--where are you?" he asked looking in my face.
"Here". i said.i know i looked nuts to him. fat, big wild bleached blond hair".
mr. floyd--where are you from?"
"Origanily from Texas," i said, " but i now live in San Francisco."
"How about you, tim Carroll?" the guard was asking as he looked at each ID.
"time sort of beamed "from Ann Arbor i live in San Francisco now as well"
then the guy heald up an id card and looked around the van. oh, boy!
"an Mr --he said some name i never heard before. "Where are you from?"
in the most German accent i have ever heard in my life Sebastian says, "I am from America".ok, everybody's ass tightens up.
"Where?" the big mean looking guard asked
I'm whispering to Him in the back," say San Francisco...say San Francisco"
again "America, I am from America".
"the cop lost all human emotions then...pointing to an empty parking area just outside the office he said," Pull this van over and turn off the motor. "Mr..".whatever the name was that was not Sebastian's last name..."you follow the red line and come into the office now.
everyone was in shock....Sebastian was wild looking as he put his hand down his paints and pulled out a baggie..."What the fuck is that?" somebody asked.
"it's weed...hide it" he said slamming the door as we all sat there under the brightest lights in the world and watched him walking into the united states boarder office. we were were the only car there. slow sunday i guess.
"wjat are we gonna do with that?" er all asked eeach other."
"i know im going to kill that little mother fucker" debbie snarled
tim took out some little pocket knife and cut a little line alonge the cealing lining and stuck the baggie in there and stuffed the material back to try and hide the pot.
the office door swung open and a huge cop walked up and slammed against the side of the van yelling, "everyone out! follow the red line into the office and take a seat! no talking!"
we all got out with ouniforms were watching us. they came and told us one at a time to come to the desk and give our ID's to the cop and go sit back down. about this time the door opened and it was Sebastian followed by a few big guards. he had his suitcase and was all teary eyed. one of the cops laughed as he passed us and said, "your German friend Mr Fuches is going back to Germany..might want to say good bye!"
Lynn asked "can i please get his parents telephone number...i know they live in Boulder...please?" the cop said "well ok, but be fast."
about his time they called us all back up to get our id's when they gave me mine, the guys asked me, "did you know he was in the country illigally from Germany" i had no idea what to say. all i could think of the pot in the van and our show being cancelled in Vancouver.
"Uh, i knew he had German roots" i stupidly blurted out.
they told us they were deporting him tomorrow and for us to get out of there before they put us all in jail for trying to slip him into Canada.
he had vanished along with the other guards. we tryed to be calm and walk that fucking red line back to the van. as we got in we saw the pot was still there.."they didn't even search the van" Lynn said.
"everyone started saying to tim, "get outta here, get the fuck away from here. we stopped at a trash can placed just befor we pulled out onto the main road and threw the pot into it, and headed back to Seattle to spend the night with the folks who had put us up the night before. Debbie had called them to tell what had happened. thinking back i am sure they must of thought how stupid we were. but said we could spend the night there and try to deal with all this needless drama.
we called the number for Sebastian's parents in Boulder and Debbie sopke with his dad. thye seemed pretty unexcited by what had happened. i guess the dad had worked in some compssiry in washing dc and knew Jimmy Carter really well. a few phone calls were made and the bourder gaurds took Sebastian to a motel and even gave him money to buy food!! the next morning we piled back into the van and had to drive back that creepy little town and pick up sebastian from some restaurant. i wanted to fire him then and there. so did debbie...i think Lynn and Tim gave him a lecuture and thought that would be enough. I never trusted him at his word again. but we stayed together. i was starting to re think the whole band and was began to want something different. people were starting to yell "faster" after songs we played. i hated the idea of not being aboe to play any kind of song and feel free to do it the way i wanted. i wanted another band..i was also starting to feel the hunger for a spiriual direction. i needed sa change.
one more tour and i was sure it would be over. Just ojne more tour.