I've had people ask me how i could become religious? I don't know the real definition of the that word. I feel 'spiritual' suits me better. although that's just me. I always had a feeling with in me that a bigger 'thing' was somewhere out there but also with us. It was the same thing in and out. Our being able to tap into that 'thing' was a two way street, It was always the same--ready to take us to It's center and be our guide, but only if we took a step or two to realize it's helping nature.. the steps are what i call our own personal path. Some are taking the steps by following the Pope and going to a Catholic church, others are hooping and hollering in the Pentecostal church. I do think it it is helpful to find, as the Buddhist say, a sanga---a community of 'like thinkers' to unite with. Of course i would like to believe no one would expect or even want to be a clone of his
church or sanga fellow member. The "I am right and you are wrong" attitude is the element that has fucked up how so many of us feel about God and the path to enjoy what God is. When I hear people snarling and denouncing god and religion with much unhidden hatred i laugh to myself and think how they mush have been made to go to church and endure either the screeming preacher sending everyone to hell, or being tortured and forced to get up early on Sunday mornng and dress in clothes you hate to ware. Setting in a ritual of things you neither understand or even want to. some of the very few fights my mother and i would ever get into were the ugly Sunday morning clothes war. i would have gone easy if i could have just picked out my own clothes! not some fucking white shirt and tie and dress slacks. even to this day the very words 'dress slacks' send a chill down my spine. this has nothing to do with whatever god mght be. Jesus in dress slacks. the Buddha in a tie! Krishna in a JC Penny's summer suit. never happened. My point being we miss so much of the good and fullflling elements of God because of out past dealings with religion and church.
The great Swami Vivekananda said if there is really a Heaven there will be more atheist than belivers because theist did good for no reason...while belivers did good for the reward....(paraphrased). I love that.
I was looking for something to fill the gap i found in my life when i found Ramakrishna and the Vedanta. I knew what i was looking for but hqd no idea where to go. at the risk of sounding silly, i just let the faith of going where IT lead me tke over. All of this was much less mysterious, and more down to earth than i might make it sound. no angles singing in the background. I was lookiing though. this was my taking the steps i talked about. if you want to catch a fish you have to go to the water and put your pole out. sit and wait but at least bait the hook. you don't catch one usually by jumping in the water and hysterically grabbing. calm and steady is the way. when i first went to the little bookstore at the temple i loved it. when i first got Christopher Isherwood's book on Sri Ramakrishna and how wonderful His crazy life was. I felt like it was a personal, ongoing party for me. none of being Queer was going to stop this from moving me onward. no communist, punk rocker, dressed in drag and singing about being dead in a motel room made any difference to anyone. reading about the funny and loving and, to say the least, bazaar life of this God-man and his young followers, i fell in love with it all. this was no cult love because if you couldn't think for yourself and be a 'stand on your own two feet' person....well, you might move on. My heart had been pretty hard due to life being a rough row to hoe, but as got stronge in the ideals of these teaching my hert became softer and more loving and excepting. it can be a little hard to sing about hating people when really, i don;t hate anybody. i try to love everybody, although lots of people i love from a distance. being spiritual shouldn't make you a dumb ass...so don't go hugging stinging scorpions and kissing madmen. thinking and moving in a calm inner mode can keep you grounded and let you act like a human. meditation , or just setting down and being silent for a while is great. shut up for a few seconds...is the world going to fall apqrt if you are not talking? i offer no blue print of how to do this. you can find 10,000 other people to tell you how to meditate. of just find it out for your self. you can start with the simple method of just being alone with in your self and being quite. O million pages have been written and millions of dollars made by teachers when this first step is the mail lesson to follow. believe me, it's hqarder than you might think. me, being quite? me?
I offer no paths to you follow or anything for you to do. being happy and feeling whole within your self is the goal. if you are, stay there. i moved only when i felt the need. never aking if it was right. it was right---for me, and i live it now.