My day to day life was mostly pretty easy. The handsome worker at the Zoup Kitchen and i became pretty friendly. His name was Scott Squat...named for his dedication to living in empty buildings and finding squats for others as well. he and i even pent a few night together on the les than clean floor of a practice pace we had for a while at the notorious Turk St. Studio we shared for a hort while with the band Tragic Mulatto. i had also met a wonderful woman named Hilary. what a wild, go getter she was. very much a part of the anarchist collective that ran the Bound Together Bookstore on Haight. Skinny, like a model big eye and really mart as attatude. she and a few friend had started a big squat in town. they kept out the drug dealers and fixed the place up really nice. they even had movie night and big dinners for the community. at a show one night in the Russian center off Diviadero st. I ran into her. we talked all night and realized how well we got along. she was a big flirt sexy person...with boys and girls...and i was a bit of a flirt myself....although queer only, i had had oral sexx once at a party in austin with a south American beauty, a rich girl visiting and somehow ended up at Little Mexico on a prty night. I don't know how but public sex came up, and she asked me if i had ever had sex in a bathroom i said yes, of course but only with guys. she asked if i would have sex with her in the bathroom...beitng drunk i said yes! we went into the bathroom and she sat on the side of the tub and i used the. knowledge i had picked up from porn movies and buried my face in her crotch and ran my tongue un and down her pussy. She loved it and i sort of liked it too. -- however, lots of people had figured out what was going on and everyone started beating on the door.
So, i wasn't completely n the dark about what might be about to happen with Hilary. She asked if she could come over to my house and spend the night sometime. I said sure he could. Sure enough the very next night a knock came to my bed room door and it was her. I was very sober and very shocked. she did spend the night and she crawled into bed naked. I was born gay. End of discussion. but i was also flattered that Hilery was so into me and so up front about it. I kept thinking, "on my god, Phillip is just int he other room and i am in the bed with a naked girl! hat will he think?" we slept that way that night. me fully dressed and her completely nude. The next night a repeat happened, except i sort of flowed with it and let her take charge of it. we ended up hving sex! like everything! i knew how those straight guys felt that keep saying, "but i'm not gay" while getting you give them a blow job. Hilary started hanging out a lot. and she and i became really good friend. one night in a pizza place we both thought a guy in the cafe was really hot. Sex was the common topic of out conversation and a three way was something both of us wanted.
he noticed us looking at him and we were makiing it no secret that we were looking for trouble. a he was leaving he looked back and Hilary asked me ,"do you want me to ask him?" Hell Yeah!" i told her. she ran out of the restaurant and i watched them talk. i saw her write down what turned out to be his number. she came back and we laughed at our brazen act. he was into it, she said, but could not do anything that night. call him tomorrow and make a plan. well, we were both waiting all day to call and see when we could met up. when she did call another guy answered the phone. when 'out guy' got on the line he was acting all butch and both Hil and I were sharing the phone trying to listen. he said. some crap about he couldn't do it that day because his room mate was around. we both heard a loud "Room mate?" iin the background....then our guy sheepishly, "I mean my lover.." Great, he was a queen. cute but i wasn't looking for a three way with another gay guy. my stupid fantasy-- was some big strapping straight guy was going to be in the bed with us...not going to happen. we told the guy we might call him back. we were both disapointed, but not that surprised. Debbie got a little jealous of Hilary and i hanging out all the time and when i told her we having sex, she was pissed. Not that she wanted to do anything like that with me....she just looked at me as her best friend and me having a 'girlfriend' seemed to threaten that. My other girlfriends didn't like it either. The Torn Panties all later told me the idea of me having sex with a girl made them feel a little mad at me. i laughed one day when talking to Hil and said, "funny, after all these years finding out i am bisexual".. she quickly put me in my place and said, "you mioght be having sex with a woman, but you ann't bisexual--honey you're a queer!" i was de-butched pretty fast. soon Hilary found a girl friend and she and i went back to jut being dear friends. besides an occasional drunken eating a snatch or two in the bar or party bathroom i stayed on the queer road and have been better for it. Even Scot Squat turned out to be Straight but just sweetly into hugging and an noce nasty kiss now and then. Most of my sexual outlets were in adult video booths. "I'm in love with a glory hole" was more than just a song line i came up with. Aids was now tarting to be a real plague and public sexual outlets were drying up , so to speak. Aids was starting to be an real issue. One ignored by government funding, but very much not ignored by the right wing religious, anti gay fundamentalist. 'God's punishment' was a creepy catch phrase used by the good folks who hated the homosexuals anyway and were happy to now have a real reason to want to round us up and kill us. i feel lucky to have remained Negative during the years. the atmosphere was charged though with solidarity of anti ragan and and ant-war, Gays were dying but at the same time starting to recognize their government did not give a shit about them.
i remember getting on stqge at the huge anti government demonstration at the Moscone Center Parking lot during the 1984 Democratic Convention. 1000's of people were there on the sunny, beautiful day. I even saw Peter Jennings walking in the crowd. I thought of the wars the uS had been in and how Viet Nam had changed so many people's lives. Mine included. the Injustice of money over rights when it came to the lives of the poor and now the homosexuals dying in the misery of a disease that no one understood. The last song we sang during out 30 min. set was No Fucking War. i think i never sang it with more feeling and 1000's of people singing along, fist in the air and pissed. these are the times being in bands that say something has given my life meaning.
there is a picture of Dave Dictor and I hugging each other on stage that day. we both felt lucky to be able to express out feelings with so many who felt like we did. later that day a riot went down in downtown SF. horses running over people and cops beating up everybody. I had ducked into a bar to have a few drinks and missed getting the shot beat out of me. who says drinking can't be good for you?